Wednesday, October 31, 2012

So You Wanna Be A Rockstar...

The Vintage Warrior is back! For a little bit at least. It's been 3 months since my last blog. Lots of stuff came up in the real world which has kept me busy. Plus, there's only a handful of folks who care enough about my ramblings to sit here and read said ramblings. However, there's a few things out there in the world today that has reinvigorated my thirst for putting my opinion on the internet, so here goes....

SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCKSTAR.....

In the glorious year of 1989, I was 9 years old. School was still fun, girls were weird-yet-alluring, rollerblades were cool and video games were king. This was back when even if you didn't have a home system you could go to the arcade and spend dozens of dollars on 8-bit awesomeness. If you were lucky enough to have a computer at home, you may have stumbled across this little gem....


Before there was Rock Band, there was Rockstar. Before there was Guitar Hero, there was Rockstar.

This is by far one of the greatest games I've ever played. Its a text-based DOS game, but I've gotten more enjoyment out of it than I have any game to come out over the past couple decades (with Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Red Dead Redemption being the sole exceptions). When you play Rockstar, you feel like you're out there on the road, playing jams, doing drugs and fucking whores. Its a GREAT game.


The whole point of the game is to keep your "rockstar" alive long enough to enjoy the successes and excesses of the rock n' roll lifestyle. Just about every turn in the game, you are offered heroin, cocaine, LSD, marijuana, booze or amphetamines. You also get asked to go to orgies with groupies, or to fancy dress parties or houseboat parties. You have to keep your health balanced with your alertness, creativity and happiness or else bad things happen. Its very easy to overdose in this game, and the doctors don't always save your life...


Beyond the drugs, you also have to make sure you stay on tour to increase your popularity (and bank account), along with releasing singles, albums and music videos in order to please your record company and fans. You can enter your own band names into the game for added fun as well (going on tour with Fuckpot or Cannibal Corpse in the game always makes me chuckle.)

This game also has an incredible sense of humor. Its quite obvious that Rockstar was developed in the UK, as words such as "chuffed" and other British-isms pop up from time to time. Its also easier to tour in the UK and Europe than in America. If its not your manager offering you LSD or to go to on a "pup crawl," your mother or best friend will be offering you heroin. If you take marijuana, you generally "trip" just as hard as you do when you take LSD. And when you do take LSD, the entire game-screen goes wild with blips and beeps. If you choose not to do any drugs, you'll get called names like "crass," "dull" or "boring." Even your band-mates will resort to name-calling if you're not "rockstar" enough to party. 


I suggest all those who like to kill a bit of time in the morning before work with a cup of coffee and a silly game to check out Rockstar. Even though its an old DOS game, you can still get it to work on your modern-day Windows computer. This is how:

First, you need to download the program DOSBox. Its a DOS-game emulator and is super-easy to use, just so long as you remember how to use DOS (don't worry, I'll walk you through it.) Get DOSBox here:
http://www.dosbox.com/download.php?main=1 (pick the first one on the list, for Windows)

Next, you need to download the game. Don't worry, the game is so old now that you can download it for free (legally) from Abandonia.com. Once you have DOSBox all set up, you can use Abandonia for a lot of classic old games.


Ok, now that you have DOSBox and Rockstar....how the hell do you get it to work? Here's a DOS tutorial to help you out...

A. First off, create a folder on your C drive titled DOSGAMES. Make sure its in CAPS. 
B. Put Rockstar in your DOSGAMES folder. Make sure you "unzip" the Rockstar game and put its components into its own ROCKSTAR folder within the DOSGAMES folder.
C. Open DOSBox. It will pop up a window that will look just like an old DOS screen. Here's where it gets tricky for those who don't remember DOS...

The program will open with the Z: drive pre-loaded. You need to get it to load the C: drive, where you have the DOSGAMES folder with Rockstar in it. So here's what you type to make it all happen (don't include the " "'s):

1. "mount c c:/DOSGAMES" (this tells your computer to load the DOSGAMES folder when you switch the Z drive to the C drive)
2. "C:" (this switches you over to C drive)
3. "cd/ROCKSTAR" (this tells the C drive to load up the Rockstar folder)
4. "ROCKSTAR" (this loads the game)

Once you type those in step-by-step, Rockstar should open up in the DOS window. 

Enjoy!!

Not too sure what my next blog will be about (if anything), but stay tuned. 

Until then, keep it vintage!